Stress is a much talked about issue today, especially in regards to the impact it has on my emotional, mental and physical health. I am more than a little concerned when researchers tell me that stress is a main contributor in the development of all forms of emotionally related illnesses, including the dreaded cancer. So, like so many others, I am on a mission to discover ways to alleviate stress in my life.
All in all, I think I fair well at addressing the challenge that stress poses. Yet, I fall into a trap familiar to many of us when facing this challenge. I am convinced that stress is an external pressure bearing down on me that I must control or avoid if I am going to have any peace. So, I get busy manipulating my life in a way that I think ensures a controlled, peaceful environment. I juggle my calendar to cut down on the amount of programs I run; I will only spend a certain amount of hours in my office; I set aside time for more exercise in my week; I narrow my focus to work with individuals that I enjoy interacting with and mentoring, etc. What I don’t often realize is how my pursuit for control adds to my stress. On any given day life just happens, exposing how little control I actually have. Even more importantly I forget that the real source of my stress originates from inside of me rather than from outside of me.
Stephen Covey tells us that, “stress is the reaction of the body to any stimulus or interference that disturbs mental or physical health…stress is created by what we think and how we respond emotionally rather than what has happened to us.”
In other words…Life acts and I react! The quality of my life is not nearly as dependent on external events as it is on internal responses. How I react to life’s pressures is the only real control I have and by and large those reactions are determined by my choices. As much as I want to minimize the power of those choices each one is ultimately a choice for either life or death. Either the choice will empower me or it will diminish my personal power.
An example of how people react to life’s enormous pressure was September 11 2001.
Marcy Borders escaped one of the World Trade Center towers just before it collapsed. She was caught on camera looking completely lost and covered from head to toe with ashes. The press used the phrase “ash lady” to identify her. After the September tragedy she rarely left her home and gave up her daughter to an ex-husband. She spent much of her time at home obsessing about when the next act of terrorism is going to take place. Her reaction is reflected in these words, “My heads all in the wrong place…I used to believe in America. Where is America now? Nobody’s helping me. I did my part. Now it is time for America to do its part.” Sadly, her story doesn’t have a happy ending; Marcy was diagnosed with cancer and passed away in 2015.
A fireman named Paul Bessler was also caught in the events of 9/11. He lost six of his best friends in the tragedy and his response is voiced in these words,
“I feel like a ghost walking around, but life is sweeter, I can tell you that. I’ve enjoyed every day. If it was me that ended up on the ashes and the other guy was still on earth instead of me, I’d want him to have a fantastic life.”
Two different people faced with the same event choose to respond in different ways to it. Both were victimized by the event, however Marcy had chosen to respond as a victim, fixating on external factors out of her control, while Paul responds with an attitude that reflects perspective and character. He chooses not to fixate on the injustice of the event, but chooses to be grateful for the extra time granted to him.
The ability to make this kind of choice goes way beyond simple logic. Often when faced with crisis my thinking capability is hijacked by my emotions and I behave in a way that I later regret. I need a harmonized effort between head, heart and spirit to overcome the emotional hijacking, make good decisions and exercise sound behavior. The cooperation of these internal forces is what forms strong character and it is strong character that allows me to react effectively to the pressures of my life.
I am unwilling to be a victim to life, how about you?
Terry
