“Conversations that Make a Difference” Coaching Program

For the past thirty years I have owned and operated Inside Out Leadership, a personal development company. The big questions have always been; how do I make a positive difference in an individuals emotional health journey? How do I help people to make the healthy changes they both want and need?

There are two conclusions that I have drawn that need to work together if I am going to make a difference in someone’s life. The first is, that I need to provide insightful, inspiring information that is relevant to what a person needs and secondly, I need to make a connection with the person I am working with.

Life Changing Information

For me, this insightful information is built on a blueprint for change that includes the following steps;

• Awareness – Self-awareness is the key to any positive change in your life. It is a lifelong exploration of why you do what you do, focusing on beliefs, emotions and behaviors.
• Personal Accountability – An important step in creating change is personal ownership. You must take responsibility for your cycle of inner self-sabotage, or you will remain stuck in unhealthy patterns of behavior.
• An Action Plan for Change – Self-awareness and personal accountability will lead you to developing strategies for change. These strategies are built around an understanding of your internal character qualities, your values and principles you live by.

Clearly, this is a very simple outline of a much greater insight into this blueprint, but it is important to say that there is a foundation of information to share with my students and clients. I have been gathering life changing content in my work for fifty years.

It is also important to point out that the goal of personal development is Self-Acceptance.

Personal Connection

The second conclusion I have is that making a deep personal connection with my students is essential to change. Working with individuals has never just been a professional exercise. Establishing a connection with someone sets the stage for every meaningful, productive conversation. It is the basis for trust and feeling safe.

So, what does making a connection actually mean. For me, it feels like engaging with someone in a deeper, more intimate way. There is this sense of finding common ground mentally and emotionally. It does not feel like I am just providing guidance. It feels like there is a mutual sharing of thoughts and emotions that are mutually beneficial. I am learning as well as teaching. This is what makes my work meaningful.

So, how do I make a connection?

• Being a student. I see myself more as a teacher than a counselor or coach. Although all three disciplines come together in my interactions with clients. All three are built on the understanding that I am a student first. Like my clients I am on a lifelong journey of discovering myself and how I can be the best version of me. Interactions with people whether personally or professionally is always an opportunity for mutual learning.
• I make my best effort to be me, without professional posturing.
• I want to be open about my life. I want to share what I have learned in my personal journey, the victories and the struggles.
• Personal Accountability. I believe that both the teacher and the student need to be accountable for thoughts, emotions and behaviors that are unhealthy and self sabotaging. This is what takes a relationship to the next level and creates an environment of safety and trust. Everyone has internal blind spots that need to be exposed and addressed if there is going to be change.
• I think that it is important to have a blueprint to operate from, taking a person from self-awareness to self-acceptance and personal empowerment; however, I also believe that there always needs to be a willingness to adjust to whatever a client needs in a discussion. This is often where the magic happens in a discussion as thoughts and feelings appear without scripting.

Having conversations with these values in mind is what creates a very powerful personal connection and an opportunity for profound learning and growth.

New Coaching Model

One of the most satisfying and what I believe to be the most productive use of my time in the past few years is to record one on one conversations with individuals for transcribing and reviewing. There is so much valuable dialogue that happens in these meetings that are lost unless they are recorded and reviewed.

I am looking for dedicated students who want to dig into the heart of what creates personal change. This work is not just about tweaking an individual’s habits for the sake of more success personally or professionally. It is about transforming a person’s life to be the best version of themselves and modeling behavior as their purpose in life.

Here are small sampling of the questions and comments that have emerged in these discussions that have fueled a sense of curiosity, exploration and inspiration.

• Are you an open person or a closed person? Open people step up and engage when in crisis, closed people step back and avoid engagement.
• True vulnerability is taking the risk to be fully seen, the good and the bad, the dark and the light.
• Doing hard things daily, mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally builds self worth and character.
• Moving away from one’s authentic self can lead to mental illness.
• The core belief, ‘I do not have value,’ is a powerful force in terms of what motivates you, and you don’t even know it.
• What if Self Respect was your most important value?
• Making mistakes is not the issue; how you respond to making those mistakes is.
• Internal blind spots keep you in the dark about what is sabotaging your life.
• Emotional Intelligence is fundamentally about managing oneself and one’s responses.
• Honesty with oneself creates pathways to healthier action plans.
• Teach responsibility, don’t take it. Parents should mentor and guide their children without always stepping in and taking control of their choices.
• Are you being heard? If not, why not?
• Saying ‘no’ is a choice not a ‘how to’ process.
• A “Shadow Story” is built around a belief like, ‘I’m not good enough.’ The belief then looks for evidence of to prove it is true in the ongoing narrative of your life.
• Reframing the old story means you transform old beliefs into a new story.
• Character bridges are internal qualities that are activated into transformational behaviors.
• Vulnerability and taking counter intuitive actions like seeking feedback are key to breakthroughs.
• It is one thing to gather information; it is another to implement that information.
• Self-forgiveness begins with forgiving yourself for believing that you are not good enough.

Your Personal Promised Land

So, what kind of difference do these conversations make? Or what will you receive if you participated in these conversations?

I like to call it “My Personal Promised Land” or in your case “Your Personal Promised Land.” So, what exactly exists in that Promised Land?

Self Acceptance, Self Realization.

• Discovery of your True Self. Whether you know it or not, everyone wants to know who they are in their true, authentic self. Words like integrity are utilized when discussing the authentic self.

Integrity means to be true to oneself, one’s values and one’s standards and beliefs.

A person has integrity when there are no gaps between intent and behavior…when a person is whole, seamless, the same inside and out.

This means that you can set aside posturing and performing for the sake of others acceptance and approval.

The greatest gift in having these conversations is in embracing who you are as a capable, confident, and brilliant individual. The more comfortable you become in your skin the more you will experience peace, contentment and fulfillment and be a model of how the world needs to respond to the remarkable challenges it faces.

• The Emotional Payoff. All motivation is about how an action or event makes you feel, so, understand clearly that what you want most in life is attached to an emotional payoff. IE, I want financial security because I will feel satisfied, confident, accomplished, secure, capable, and safe.
• Emotional Well Being – Emotional well-being requires you to identify your emotions (developing an emotional vocabulary), feeling your emotions (both painful and pleasurable) and managing your emotions. Emotions come as a package deal. If you want to renew your passion and joy, you must be willing to overcome your fear of painful emotions and take the risk to feel.
• Personal Potential. Your personal promised land is that place where you discover daily the extent of your potential and how you can transform that potential into making a difference in this world. It is that place where you consistently choose faith over fear and utilize failure as a catalyst for new growth and new adventure. It is that place where you discover your, ‘in the zone flow’ and land on that sweet spot that generates extraordinary achievement. It is that place where you begin to relax and feel comfortable in your own skin. In your personal promised land, you feel peaceful, content and fulfilled. 

Healthy Relationships

• Healthy Relationships – Healthy relationships are built around healthy individuals. Communication skills that are dependent on effective listening and conflict resolution are built around self-awareness and self-acceptance.
• Effective Communication – How you communicate with others determines the health of every relationship. The phrase to go by is, speak your truth in love. This means that it is essential that you speak about what is important for you, honestly and courageously; however, you must do it with compassion and respect.