As I am writing this blog article I am aware that we are just a day away from running another Connections Program. There is always a sense of excitement and trepidation about what will happen in the coming weekend. I have been running Connections now for twenty one years and I do not believe that I have ever walked away on a Sunday afternoon feeling disappointed in the outcome. The value that participants receive in this program can really vary; however, most of them agree that it has been life changing.
I definitely have a hope for what people are going to receive and yet I will question from time to time what they actually do receive. This past week I was sent a testimony of one person’s experience in a Connections Program that was run in Bali. I thought it was so in keeping with what I hope people will receive that I thought I would let you read it. The ladies name is Candice Benson and here is her story.
Candice Benson (Bali Connections)
Sometimes, experiences are so profound and life altering they are difficult to articulate or put into words. I attended a 2 day retreat here in Bali that was focused around the depth of connection (or lack thereof) we experience in our lives. It was raw, it was painful and it was enormously beautiful.The focus was on experiencing Connections with others, and perhaps most importantly, the connection we have with ourselves. I am no longer the same person. I learned to look into the eyes of another and drop all the armor and allow myself to be seen…fully, and how to truly see another.I witnessed strong men cry. I witnessed people courageously battle their demons head on. I witnessed shame, guilt, heartbreak be miraculously healed. I witnessed beauty emerging from the mud. And I witnessed the most extraordinary COURAGE.
I realized that while I thought I had “connected” with many people in my life …. I really hadn’t.
Not like this. I have never experienced powerful unconditional love; true safety and immense trust as I did in that beautiful place this weekend. It was by far the most intense, intimate and deeply healing experience I have ever had in my entire life.
There were breakdowns, break THROUGHS, lots of tears, anger, frustration, doubt, rage, fear, explosive expressions of repressed emotions…However, the “medicine” we all received from this weekend was vast, and beautiful, and profound. There was not a dry eye in that room.
I came face to face with myself…my TRUE self, my shadow, the child in me that I silenced; that is still very much wanting to be heard. I looked at destructive beliefs about myself (everyone has them and life experiences that shaped who I am today…all of that “STUFF” that most are too afraid to meet head on. The corners we don’t want to shine a light into. The pain we believe will always be there, no matter how hard we try to heal it. I learned to give these areas space to be heard. To let them speak and breathe.
And most importantly, I allowed others to witness the things I don’t “want” to reveal but needed to be. Most people don’t EVER do this “work” because it is painful. It’s not easy. But it is necessary to live a full, authentic and FREE life understanding that once we have the courage to do so, EVERYTHING changes. And, through the power of community and love, those aspects, memories, wounds and experiences transmuted into something extremely beautiful.
You cannot heal what you don’t allow to rise up to the surface.
There is strength in sensitivity and vulnerability. There is strength in REALLY letting others in.
There is strength in falling to your knees (emotionally speaking) and bearing your soul to another.
Thank you ….from the bottom of my heart, to those who held space for me when I felt I couldn’t go on, to those who dried my tears, too those who showed me love and connection I had never experienced before, or dreamed was even possible, to those who witnessed my pain and allowed me to witness theirs, to those who have given me the most beautiful gift of teaching me TRUE self-love.
All of you, you know who you are, have ignited something in me that has changed everything.
I am not the same person that walked through those doors. Thank you for showing me through your love, compassion and trust and all the pain, what I was seeking all this time.
Thank you to Deb Berry and Clay Mallette who run the Kembali Recovery Centre and have chosen to use the Connections Program to help their clients rehab, learn and grow. And thank you Candice for giving me permission to use this testimony.
I would really like to challenge those of you who read this amazing testimony to send me a testimony of your experience at Connections. I think it will remind and reinforce the value you received and it will definitely be an encouragement to me.
