I am continuing this month to focus on the qualities that make a great leader. I began last week with looking at the issue of integrity; this week I am going to look at trust. Every great leader has the ability to build their credibility by being trustworthy.
The word trust actually means confidence. When you trust people you have confidence in them, in their integrity, their agenda and their abilities. The opposite of trust (distrust) is suspicion. When you distrust people you are suspicious of them, of their integrity, their agenda, their capabilities or their track record.
The word credibility has to do with the believability of a source or message. Do I believe in the person that says they are a leader? Do I believe in their character, their integrity, their intention, motivation and agenda? Do I believe in their message? Do I believe in their abilities and capabilities? Do I believe in their track record?
These are very difficult questions and as I consider my own credibility as a leader I am more that sobered by all these questions. I can easily admit that I have damaged my credibility by the choices I have made as a leader and in fact have asked many times whether those choices should have disqualified me as a credible leader. And, yet, here I am still occupying a leadership role in my life and business and asking people to trust me as I teach them to live healthy, meaningful and productive lives.
In reflection, I understand some of those poor choices as an expression of my imperfect humanity, but I still carry some of the guilt and shame non-the-less. I also believe in every person’s ability to learn from the mistakes we make and to transform poor choices into healthier ones. I also believe that the trial and error education I have been in as a leader also qualifies me to identify with and empathize with the struggles of others. In many ways, it is what makes me believable as a leader, and, believability is what determines trustworthiness.
Trust Self
Before you can become a credible, trustworthy leader you have to trust in yourself. You have to believe in yourself even though you will be questioned by others as to your character and capability and even more disturbingly, you will question yourself. There will be times that you will spiral into the depths of self doubt and self judgment. You will second guess your thoughts your words and your actions consistently. And, still you have to bounce back and believe in you.
Of course, the million dollar question is, how do I build trust in me? How do I believe in me? Here are some thoughts to consider;
- Be the Student; Know Thyself
Self awareness is the key to developing belief in you. Socrates coined the phrase “know thyself” as essential to belief in self. Getting to know your requires a constant investigation into what your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and fears and what your desires and dreams are. When I am clear about what holds me back and what empowers me I will choose to face what I am fearful of and step into those behaviors that empower me.
- Focus on Your Sacred Potential
If you really want to build your self confidence and belief in you, you have to ask yourself the question, ‘where do I place my attention; on the Sacred Self that carries my potential and brilliant possibilities or on the Shadow Self that easily gets caught up in self judgment, self doubt and second guessing. The Sacred part of you believes in you wholeheartedly but you must be willing to look past your weaknesses to find it.
- Lake a Leap of Faith
Once I am committed to being the student and I place my focus clearly on my sacred potential, I need to step up and participate in my hopes and dreams. Fear and lack of belief in self is what keeps me from pursuing my hopes and dreams. If I am convinced that I will never achieve those hopes and dreams why even bother trying to achieve them? However, if I really want to experience my hopes and dreams, I need to be proactive, take initiative and take a leap of faith.
The first Connections program I ran twenty years ago, I was not convinced that I could facilitate such a program. But, I was convinced that I had to find out. So, I rented facilities at Green Bay Bible Camp and charged participants $70.00 per individual for room and accommodations to attend. I lost money on that first program, but 68 people showed up and I gathered a few friends together to run the three day program. I was more than a little fearful the first time I addressed the large group wondering if I was suited to facilitate this kind of experiential program. An hour and a half later I was convinced that this was what I was made to do and within weeks changed the entire course of my career and Inside Out was born.
I would not be where I am today if I did not have that consuming desire to find out and the willingness to take that leap of faith.
- Faith or Fear; Your Choice
When faced with a difficult choice, ask yourself whether your decision will be driven by faith or be fear. If you are determined to build your self confidence and believe in you, you have to be willing to take leaps of faith. One of my mantras is, ‘make the hard choice, do the hard thing.’ Backing down from a difficult challenge is the very thing that diminishes self respect and keeps you stuck in fear.
- Get Up When you Fall
It is easy to give up and give in when you have experienced a few failures in your journey to self belief. You have to be convinced that failure is an amazing teaching tool and that every crisis is your opportunity to bounce back and keep believing. All I can say is; never give up on you.
In all honesty; I was ready to give up on me three years ago as I left a thirty seven year marriage. What I believed was that I had disqualified myself as a leader that could be trusted. I am glad to say that I found a way one day at a time to get back up and begin to restore believe in myself. I could not have done this alone, which brings me to my final point.
- Surround Yourself with Believers
If you want to believe in yourself, hang out with confident people who believe in themselves. Confident people focus on their strengths and how they utilize those strengths to create success in their lives and how they impact others positively.
The true beauty of believers is that they not only believe in themselves, they believe in you as well. As I reflect back on these past three years of bouncing back and learning to restore belief in myself, I could not have done it without a number of people that believed in me. Of course, I have to begin that list with Christine, who is now my partner in life and purpose, but others as well, like my daughter Elisabeth who came on board to work with Inside Out for a year and a half and Deb Berry, who never wavered in her belief in me and the work.
There are many others today who I can truly say are my people. I encourage you to find your people because belief in self does not happen without them.
