Deeper Connections is just around the corner and I thought it would be a fun to look at some of the content of that program. In the process I want to wet the appetite of those of you who are attending and hopefully ignite the curiosity of those of you who are not.
In Deeper Connections participants learn twelve leadership commitments. These commitments are valuable as we all need life principles to guide us daily. These guiding principles can be described as my personal ethic or moral code of conduct. My sense of self respect and personal peace is deeply rooted in my ability to live according to these principles. It is how I remain congruent with my personal values.
As a leader it is crucial that I am clear about what my values, beliefs and guiding principles are. So, I have developed twelve of these guiding principles to live by. Here is the first of those principles.
As a Leader, I always make my best effort.
This principle tells me that my effort is more important than my outcome.
Unfortunately, I have an issue with measuring my outcomes. It is a natural part of my human condition as I have a shadow side of me that says that I do not have value or that I am not good enough. This negative core belief is a problem for me. I will consistently place an expectation on how I should perform a task and if I do not meet that expectation I will be disappointed with me. Unfortunately, the expectation is very subjective and often unrealistic. My disappointment will turn into a cycle of self judgment, frustration and anger toward me. The self talk sounds something like this; “what’s wrong with you, you should be doing better than this. I thought you would be further along by now. What a loser.” Sometimes the language is much harsher than this but I think you get the gist.
Excuse me for using a golf illustration; however, it is so easy to do because golf is a game that is measured one stroke at a time and at the end of the day you have a measurable score that you can choose to be proud of or disappointed with.
A number of years ago I was playing a round that was shaping up to be my best ever. I was five under par after thirteen holes, which is really awesome for those of you who don’t know anything about golf. Unfortunately, I began to think about shooting my best score and even beating the course record. I began to fixate on the outcome rather than enjoying the moment and just making my best effort. As you can imagine, I bogeyed the final five holes and ended up shooting an even par seventy one. Which, by the way, is an awesome score; however, I do not remember leaving a golf course angrier than I was that day. I think the phrase that kept playing over and over again in my head was, “what an idiot.”
Okay; so here’s the point. When I measure outcomes, I set myself up for disappointment. When I choose to focus on the process and my best effort, there is nothing to be disappointed about. I can appreciate the process, get into the moment and enjoy the ride. And, not surprising, that is the time I excel the most.
So; here’s another thing to consider about making my best effort; it is not dependent on how I feel. I may wake up and feel like a 3, but I will be the best 3 I can be that day. This allows me to let go of my desire to be perfect and my preoccupation with outcomes. If I do not attach my effort to my outcome then I find joy in the process. Life is a journey, not a destination.
The moments I am most proud of in my work is about those days when I really didn’t want to show up but still did. I remember very clearly what it felt like in late November finishing up a series of nine programs in eleven weekends completely exhausted. I was definitely not at my best and it was not about being brilliant or orchestrating miracles in the room. It was about showing up and being the best four or five that I could be. It was actually in those moments that I could set aside my ego, my strengths and my talent and become a conduit for the magic that exists outside of me. This is actually referred to as spiritual poverty. It is allowing yourself to show up in your weakness so that something greater and more meaningful can work through you.
This is why showing up and making your best effort is all that is required. You find out that it is not all about you.
Terry
