As preparation for Deeper Connections, I thought it a good idea to work through my twelve Leadership Commitments. Here is commitment number three.
As a leader; I keep my word and honor my commitments
In our current culture, keeping your word and honoring your commitments often operates on a sliding scale. Certain promises or commitments we make to ourselves or others have a much greater sense of importance, while others just do not receive the same consideration.
I believe that the root of this kind of commitment making and commitment breaking has a lot to do with our people pleasing issues. Too often, we are concerned about what a person will think about us if we say no, and so, we say yes without a strong sense of conviction that we will follow through with that commitment.
When I make a promise to someone and break that promise, I believe that person will have some grace for me and not shy away from asking me to commit to something else in the near future. However, if I consistently break my commitments to that person I will damage whatever good will I have built up in the relationship and eventually be seen as not trustworthy. Damaging good will in a relationship is difficult to restore.
I remember when I was a child I loved to play baseball. One of my favorite things was to play catch with my dad. So, I would bug him consistently about coming outside with me to throw the ball around. My dad was a busy man like so many dads and only had so much time to play with me. He wanted to and he would often promise to come and play but was unable to pull himself away from his office. I was probably around six years of age and I would charge into his office and ask him to play with me. He would say, ‘I would love to play with you and I definitely will as soon as I get this work done. I will join you in fifteen minutes.’ Fifteen minutes to a six year old feels like a couple of hours, so, I am sure that I charged back into my dad’s office in about five minutes later and asked him again to come and play. His response was the same as the first visit, ‘I would love to play and I definitely will in about fifteen minutes.’ Well, I’m sure I bothered him a couple more times before he finally said, ‘I’m busy, I can’t play with you right now…later.’ Later did not come, so I stopped bugging him. Unfortunately, the disappointment I experienced kept me from asking him again. Deep down the six year old boy believed that his dad really did not want to play with him.
In the years after that incident, my father continued to a busy man and his health was an issue, so; I don’t really remember asking him to play with me again. He died when I was fifteen, so, unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to talk to him about what happened on that day when I was six. I do know that I chose to be an independent, self sufficient person who struggled to ask anyone for anything in the years that followed. And, even today I still feel very uncomfortable feeling dependent on anyone else for my happiness.
In hindsight, I see my father as an amazing person and considering how sick he was for much of my life he did so much to show all his kids how much he loved them. And yet, it only takes one day and one memory to impact the course of a person’s decisions and ultimately their behaviors.
I want to be conscious of the commitments and promises I make because the consequences of breaking those promises, not matter how small or seemingly insignificant. When I keep my word and follow through with my commitment I prove to myself and my people that I can be trusted. Each commitment must be made with complete seriousness. If I think there is any chance of not being able to follow through, then I should not make that commitment.
What are some of the commitments or promises you have made recently that you are not taking seriously enough? If you do not follow through, chances are that you will damage the good will you have established in a relationship and possibly damaged your own self respect.
Terry
