So far in this blog series you have gained clarity on the change you want, you have made the commitments to self that will sustain you along that path, you have established some new behaviors and habits and hopefully the strategy you have implemented is realistic and doable.
A final step in this change process requires acceptance, patience and grace.
Trial and Error: The Nature of the Journey
On my journey of personal change, I know that I will stumble, relapse and regress. It is the nature of my journey. I am an imperfect person who makes mistakes and makes poor choices on a fairly regular basis. These poor choices and mistakes will result in failures that are difficult to come to terms with on a personal level. First and foremost, I have to accept the nature of this journey or I will constantly be striving for some level of perfection that is unachievable. That kind of striving leads to frustration and constant generalized anxiety. If I am consistently experiencing these emotions I know that I am resistant to the nature of the journey and not in the place of acceptance.
Internal Forces are Conspiring against Me
As I continue to consider what I need to do to create the changes I want, I have to acknowledge and once again accept that there are forces within me that are not cooperating with my healthy intentions. I have a shadow self that is the source of my self-talk and I have a rebellious side to me (my stoop) that is quite happy to challenge my healthy sacred self and tempt me to give in and exercise those unhealthy desires. And, unfortunately, it really feels good in that moment of rebellion. My shadow is quick to condemn my actions and I feel a certain amount of regret and shame about my slip up. However, this is the nature of the journey and the internal struggle will be with me for a life time. This reality seems a little unfair but it is my reality and I have to come to terms with it.
So; taking into consideration the nature of the journey and the internal forces that do not cooperate with my healthy intentions, I have to exercise acceptance, patience and the kind of grace that is compassionate and understanding in the face of my poor choices and mistakes. That is not an easy thing to do as the greatest expectations I face are of myself. And, I can be brutal in my self assessment and scathing in my self-judgment. I can hear my inner golf voice clearly saying, ‘what is wrong with you?’ when I make a poor golf swing, or, ‘that is so bad’ when I three putt for the second time in a span of four holes. And I know clearly that this kind of self talk is a “flow buster” in golf and in life. It is never productive.
Be the Student/Be the Child
A student’s perspective is one that allows me to place value on almost every event that takes place in my life. Failure, mistakes and poor choices represent opportunities to learn something essential and valuable about me. I see every event, regardless of how difficult, painful or pleasurable as an opportunity to learn something about myself, others and the world I live in.
As a student I am not overwhelmed by the moment but recognize each moment as linked to other moments that build on the larger truth of who I am and what my unique purpose is. I see my life as a process of building on this truth.
As a student I want to bring an innocence, fascination and curiosity to the unfolding truth of my life. As a student I am like a child who has not yet been hardened by the unfairness and injustice that so many adults chose to make their focus.
As a student I will remain teachable and humble in the face of life, never feeling like I have arrived or feel I have all the answers to all of life’s difficult questions.
When I am a student, I am able to retain my childlike qualities that allow me to look at my journey with a fresh fascination that places a simple heartfelt trust in the process of life. And as I am in this childlike state it is easy to extend compassion and patience to me. I am a work in progress and discovering who I am and what I am here to do is so much more important than doing it right.
Terry
