Do you ever consider how many choices you make in a day…hundreds, possibly thousands? Some of those choices we make strictly out of habit or necessity but many of them are made because of how they make us feel. In other words, I do not make a choice unless there is some kind of emotional payoff attached to that choice. I want that choice to bring a sense of pleasure, comfort or well being.
Understanding Unhealthy Choices
This insight has helped me to understand my addictive nature. I am like so many others who do not like emotional discomfort or physical pain. When I feel that discomfort or pain I want to find some kind of relief. I want to exchange those painful feelings with pleasurable feelings; so, it is easy to look for that quick fix or momentary escape by choosing some mood altering experience or substance. When I find an experience or substance that consistently works to alleviate some of my discomfort, chances are that I will go back to it again and again. At the very least I establish a habit, at the worst, I create an addiction. Addiction by its nature is unhealthy because it diminishes my ability to make a choice. I feel incapable of making a different choice when captivated by an addiction. And, it does not help that certain substances are physically addictive and make it profoundly difficult to stop making that choice. The common denominator about these choices is the emotional payoff in the moment of choice. I may feel guilty later on concerning that choice but in that moment I feel better. Now, feel free to insert your own go to substance or experience when you are feeling uncomfortable.
Allow me to pick on two of my favorite go to strategies for alleviating emotional discomfort…food and drink. There is a reason why certain foods are called “comfort food.” It is the kind of food that gives you the physical and emotional boost when you are feeling emotionally uncomfortable. After a full day of dealing with people and their issues, my thoughts often go to comfort food. I love potato chips or cheese and crackers and of course, a good stiff drink to go with it. I take my snack and drink and plunk myself in front of the TV. After all, I deserve to decompress. Hopefully there will be a game on television but if there is not then I might play a video game. All of these choices allow me to escape into the land of emotional numbness. They are all very addictive and none have any real redeeming qualities. And yet, I can repeat this same routine daily because of how each of those substances or experiences makes me feel in the moment. The next morning I will feel gross because of what I ate and drank and feel guilty for repeating this behavior. As I get older I am also discovering the long term impact of these habits to my physical, mental and emotional well being and how much work it takes to overcome the damage.
Character Choices
What I have come to understand clearly in the past few years is that there are other healthier choices I can make at the end of my work day. One of those choices is to go on a walk. It is a simple choice because I do not have to make a lot of preparations to do it, just change into some sweats and running shoes and get out the door.
The thing about that choice is that I do not feel immediately better for doing it. It is usually not until half way through that walk or when I get home and have a shower that I really appreciate how that activity makes me feel. As I consider this choice I want to reflect on just how empowering that choice is. It is a healthy choice for me mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually. It serves my whole self to make this choice; however, I am discovering another huge payoff that I want to pass along to you. It is how good it feels to me when I make what I call a character choice. That is the choice to do something healthy just for me when I really do not feel like it. It is the choice to do the hard thing regardless of how I feel because I know there are long term benefits that will really serve me. I do not think that I focus enough on how good that choice actually feels. When I make that choice I lay my head on my pillow with a clear conscience and a silent well done and sleep well. I feel good about me.
I want you to consider how good it feels to make the hard choice, the character choice, and to allow yourself to revel in that feeling. It may not be an immediate or short term fix for your internal discomfort but it will provide you with the strength of character to create to outcomes that rarely occur in the short term.
What are some of the character choices you need to make to get your year off to a healthy start?
Terry
