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Motivation is about how it Makes you Feel

I have just launched my new Men’s Program called “The Game Changers Men’s Program.” The reason that I believe it will be a game changer for the men who are participating is that it provides us with an opportunity to develop the emotional intelligence that is often missing in a man’s ability to engage with others and to communicate in a way that is healthy and effective.

Let me ask you this men; How many times have you talked to a female or a male who you considered an emotionally sensitive person and you thought you were being so clear about your position that there was no way that they could misunderstand you, and yet, they looked at you as if you had just stepped off a spaceship from Mars?

Unfortunately, often as men, we will attempt to explain ourselves again even more thoroughly and in greater detail, thinking, this time they just have to get it. And yet, the same blank stare comes back at you in sheer confusion.

The problem in that moment is clear. You are listening and speaking in different languages. In fact, you are operating out of the different sides of your brain. We as men generally depend more on our logical, ordered left brain and the more emotional, spiritual person is communicating out of their right brain. Obviously, this leads to a lot of frustration and confusion and a pure disconnect. If this kind of disconnect is happening on a regular basis, communication will completely break down and often relationships break down.

One of the reasons that I am running this program for men is to help them learn a new language…the language of the heart. Or, what I am hoping will happen is that I can teach men to transcend the logical, more structured left brain to experience their emotional, spiritual, creative, intuitive right brain. As a man, if I can learn this new language it will open up an entire new world of connection, engagement and collaboration that has been often so hard to accomplish in relationship.

As we concluded our first session together last night, I asked the men to get into a circle and hold hands. I had to take a moment to appreciate what I was looking at…thirteen men in a circle holding hands. My question to the men then was, ‘tell me what you are feeling right now?’ of course, for me it was really important to tell the men that they had to identify their feelings with one word as opposed to describing their feelings in a sentence, which is much more common for men. The response was interesting and familiar right around the circle. The two feelings were apprehension and hope. It was Interesting because it identifies the two sides of motivation.

All motivation is about how it makes me feel. Apprehension, resistance, reluctance and fear will motivate me to utilize avoidance behavior. Hope will generate a sense of anticipation and excitement and will motivate participation.

Fear and apprehension will chase me back into what feels familiar and safe. That place is into my right brain where I can utilize my good logic and my skills to explain myself but it does not mean that I will be understood in the way that I desperately want; especially from some of the people most important to me, like my spouse and my daughters.

So; it comes down to a choice. As a man, do you want fear and apprehension to drive your motivation or do you want faith and hope to drive it? I believe that the men who are participating in this grand experiment are driven by the hope of healthier, deeper more meaningful relationships. They are ready to learn a new language.

How about you?


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